“If you are doing something obligatorily and not out of the fullness or desires of your heart. You’re doing it reluctantly and not in full power.”
The past few weeks have been very active for me socially and personally. I have been moving into a new house in Boerne Texas and it’s a 120-year-old historical house that is as beautiful as is old. I have been also working on some business goals that seemed at the time of inception wise, and reasonable targets. From working to open up a local clinic for MultiGen Wellness to publishing a new book there have been many directions pulling me. All of them seemingly good directions. But I notice I am tired. Desiring a slowdown and escape.
So, why am I torn? Why am I tired?
We are all torn at times. Sometimes it can feel like we are choosing two sides of our own heart. The reason we feel these things is probably because we want to be “Right”. We want to do good, be good person, be successful and follow our truest self. I think there is wisdom in going after something with all your heart and faith, then right before you get it. You realize that you really didnt actually want that thing that way. But you had to get close enough to it to see it before you could really “Feel it”.
I feel like there have been many times in my life I set out to accomplish something and then discover it was not fully my “YES”. When I am referring to “Staying Inside of Your YES”. I am referring to your preferences. I am referring to what “feels best for you”. I am referring to “that thing you would really rather do”.
Example:
One time, I was on a date with a young lady, and we were having the best time and getting along so great, and I didn’t want it to end. We had agreed to meet at sunset to go on a walk. When the sun was setting, I noticed I was getting kinda sad, because I didnt want the date to end. Reluctantly, I mentioned that I would walk her to her car. Standing next to her car, I hugged and her and told her to drive safe. As I was standing there, I saw this sad look in her eyes too. So, finally I asked her if she would like to go do something else and spend more time. Immediately, she said “YES”, and expressed she was also feeling sad the date was ending.
Courage & Fear:
Its moments like these when people miss each other. Magic always seems to unfold when we express our deepest hearts. I lot of times when I convince myself to do something I was holding myself back from doing. I wonder if it was courage in my faith of good unfolding or was it fear of missing out on something meant for me. I think it’s sometimes both. I am terrified to not rise up to my best self and miss out on something and I am also fully trusting in my faith and courage that if I rise up, good will meet me on the other side of my courage.
Discovering What’s Right for You & Saying “NO.”
Going back to my statement about being TORN and TIRED. Lately I had set a decree and a plan to start a particular business. I was connected with a few associates who offered to partner with me in the deal. I agreed though I noticed red flags and a few areas where I didnt fully align with some of the things being planned or happening. I also realized that the business itself would have taken me away from working on MultiGen Wellness from home and writing books and content for MultiGen Mindset.
I pushed for that business goal for almost a year. Then finally, when it came close to coming into creation and I could see it, feel it, understand what it would mean for my life. I found out, that it was not in alignment with my deepest heart. I followed along with the plans to launch the business and got more exhausted, more tired, more confused and drained every day. Finally, something in me switched and I finally saw it. I got pulled around that I felt every day there was something I had to do that I didnt want to do, or someplace to go that I didnt want to go.
The moment I surrendered and realized the truth. That I didn’t want that business, that way. I finally rested and let go. I felt in control again, and clear. I immediately started writing again and enjoying my freedom to choose each day.
A Journey:
You are on a journey of your own, and each day you will discover something new about what you like, and something new about what you don’t like. It’s your courage to acknowledge the things you don’t like and don’t prefer and to actively choose and continue to choose each day those things that you want to do most.
SOME TOOLS:
Here are some questions you can ask yourself to find clarity in any moment:
- What would feel best for me?
- What feels best for me?
- But, what do I WANT to do?
- What do I know is best for me?
- What is my purest, realist expression of myself right now?